I am a mess, I confess.

10 little things..

Tue, 07 May 2013 05:30:22 -0700

1. Sing to me, a harana maybe? :)
2. Hugs from behind…..
3. ….. followed by a kiss on the neck.
4. Surprise visits with little surprises.
5. Fries, crepe and any chocolate drinks 
6. Ecuadorian flowers :”>
7. Take me to movies!
8. Sucker for Superman stuffs! 
9. Listen to my singing voice =)))))
10. Be with me.. No matter what.

Another insomniac night..

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 08:25:20 -0700

The hardest part in walking away is when you contained everything. All the anger and frustrations have flowed, there goes the pain. That the person whom you thought will never ask for more, is the same person that actually wasn’t contented on what you could give. Realizing that all the promises just passed and broken, all those laughters turn into undying tears. Hearing the song that you both loved, walking through the lane you once owned is now an empty path you dont want to go through. All those fantasies of growing up and getting old together, the plans of building your own home. All the dreams you had while holding each others hand. Seems like everything happened blissfully through your eyes and never even got the chance to look back and ask for a second glimpse.

Walking away from someone you love, the one you gave your whole life to is no different with being left alone. Because sometimes, leaving doesnt mean going away, it just means how much you love someone and you are too strong to admit that you can never be enough.

lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:50:33 -0700

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:43:50 -0700

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

the-absolute-best-posts: My lovely followers, please follow...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:42:26 -0700

the-absolute-best-posts:

My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!

artceremony: Something that I visualized last night and my...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:41:35 -0700

artceremony:

Something that I visualized last night and my first matte painting.

Usapang EX.

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 04:29:08 -0800

Friend: sa tingin mo, gusto mong mangyari sakanya yung sakit you felt when she cheated on you?
Me: no
F: bat naman? gags, ginago ka na nga e.
Me: kasi minahal ko sya. And no matter how much pain she made me feel, naging thankful apdin ako kasi she also made me the happiest not once in my life. Nikka is a great person. She doesnt deserve to be treated kike trash. No ex does. Masaya na ako for her now.
F: di mo na ba sya naiisip? kasi ako naiisip ko padin si *toot* hanggang ngayon kahit super tagal na nakalipas.
Me: naiisip? sya? hindi na. Pero yung kami at pinagdaanan namin, oo. Pag naalala ko nga yung ginawa nya, ang sakit sakit padin e. But it’s all kere memories of te past and I am very thankful about it. Sabihin nalang natin na hindi ko pwedeng makalimutan yung mga nangyari smin. Though it broke me, it also made me.

It made me.

I want someone who blogs about me, tweets about me, post pictutes with me, thinks about me.. Just...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 03:07:26 -0800

I want someone who blogs about me, tweets about me, post pictutes with me, thinks about me.. Just me.

Ex.

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 06:20:03 -0800

Mahal na mahal padin kita. Sorry kung pinili ko sarili ko. Aayusin ko lang naman sana. Pero naiintindihan kita. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na ikaw padin talaga. Ikaw lang, walang iba.

I want you to know that I still want you but I need to get my...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 07:59:07 -0800

I want you to know that I still want you but I need to get my life back on track first. I am actually hurting too. It’s just I needed a partner not a baby sister coz I already have one. And I am so sorry for all the shortcomings I have commited and not putting up to your demands. But I am hoping that someday, somehow, if not now, our time will come and fate will bring us back together. I am gonna miss you, bebe. I love you.. I still love you the way when I first said that I do. I am sorry

Photo

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 06:05:39 -0800

Shit.

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 06:00:44 -0800

Shit.

lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 04:43:56 -0800

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

Pinky.

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 06:30:02 -0800

Pinky di ako aasang babalik ka.

Pinky di ako aasang magriring yung telepono ko sa tawag mo.

Pinky di ako magrereplysav text mo.

Pinky di kita aabangan.

Pinky di ako bibili ng ice cream, crepe, insala o kahuut nung mug kay nanay para maalala ka.

Pinky di ako iiyak.

Pinky di kita namimiss.

Pinky di na kita mahal.

Pinky… Pinky nagsisinungaling ako.

Last night, the rain angrily poured into the night..

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 00:15:57 -0700

Last night, the rain angrily poured into the night. That night I kept calling and texting my girl telling her she can come to my house and all. Most likely a thousand times I tried. With great worry that I had, I was running outside, looking for some fastfood chains where I can buy food. She told me there was no food. They can’t even walk through the floods. Thunders and lightnings all over the sky. So I texted her and told her I am coming over to bring food and fetch her. I even tried calling her again. No response.

Then halfway to her, I received a text, at last. Telling me not to come because she is already in a safer place. And all the following texts are just rants from her. Suddenly, she is receiving all of my texts and already because she manages to reply even so fast. So with my friend, we drove back home and trashed all the food we bought.

Feeling so bad, I don’t know why. My friend talked to me…

Friend: Bakit biglng nagreply na sya nung sasabihin mo na pupuntahan mo sya?

Me: Ewan ko din e. Baka mahina lang signal sa UST talaga e since nakaalis na daw sila don, may signal na.

F: Sure ka ba?

Me: Oo? *then suddenly someone texted me*

*Texter: Hindi mo lang alam na baka may ibang kasama yung girlfriend mo kaya hindi man lang sya dumirecho sa bahay nyo o hinayaan kang sunduin sya. Magisip ka nga.* Me: let my friend read it.

F: Ang galing naman nyang nagtext sayo. Tamang timing. Pero kung ako yan, mapapaisip ako kung bakit nga kaya e. Pero ikaw.

Me having that thoughts on my head, couldn’t stop thinking. How is she, Will she get home. All those worries I had didn’t get me to sleep last night til almost 6am. With my friend staying up with me all night, trying to enlighten me with stuffs, I realized one thing, “hindi naman kayo, bakit ka nagkakaganyan. E tignan mo ni hindi ka man lang naiisip iupdate. Imposibleng hindi nya natatanggap text mo at tawag mo, samantalang sa ibang kaibigan mo na stranded din sa UST, halos katext mo pa.”

Maybe last night was filled with angst and frustrations. And coming up to the decision that today, I will stop everything. Today I will try it on my own. “Kapag pinabayaan mo pa, baka masanay sya. Mag end na ikaw nalang yung naggaganyan. Minsan kahit maliit na bagay, papupuntahin ka sa school kahit alam na pagod at madami kang ginagawa. PAra saken kasi hindi naman tama na kahit alam nyang hirap ka na, nagdedemand padin sya sayo. Akala ko ba tutulungan a nya. E bakit parang ngayon mas nahihirapan ka?”

All these words banging in my head, I do not know what to do. All the rants and everything. I am tired. Very tired.

Mahal na mahal din kita..

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:16:00 -0700

Mahal na mahal din kita..

I will tell you a story..

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 20:27:58 -0700

So, there’s this girl. Ya, I liked her. I liked to even love her.. But I couldn’t. I can’t love her coz I don’t love her. Because I love somebody else. I am madly online with somebody else. And she loved me too. And fortunately, we end up together. What a dream come true.

One day, one special day.. It went to a nuisance and sorrow from a beautiful and unforgettable day. Ya, I saw this girl again. The one that I liked. We kissed. Whatever kiss you could imagine, ya we did that. With all the alcohol inside my head, I did that. I hurt the one I love. The one I truly love. I was wrong. I was very wrong. Though I know she was able to forgive me, from that day on I can never redeem myself to her. Never. I knew that. And I wholeheartedly accepted that fact. On and on there were fights. But we still kept holding on to each other. And so I’m thankful.

One day, there’s a party. All of the people there.. Yes, they are the people that had been more than important to my girl. Her friends. I guess they really had the time of their life with the alcohol they’ve been drinking too. Which triggered something. Her friends tried to cut me off of her life. What a surprise. Texting me some shitty and unbelievable messages. Telling me how a douche I am. And yes, my girl did nothing. She let that happen. She let her friends do that to me. Couldn’t care less. So I cut myself off from her. That hurt. That hurt a lot. Until this very moment. But, poof. I ran back to her helplessly. Without any doubt. An so, we are still together.

NOW. She prohibits me not to talk to the other girl. She gets pissed whenever I talk to that girl I kissed. Even when I already told her that it’s been done and all, she just couldn’t let it pass. And I understand. I know how it hurts to see the one you love talking to the people who once tried to keep you away from the one you love. But here’s the hitch, the friends that fucked the relationship? Oh, yes! Her friends. Ya, she talks to them
As frequent as she could acting like nothing happened. Says she puts her guards so high yet tried to drink again.

So what about me now? Not even close to the people she hates that I love.. I mean my friends that she hates too. Ya, tell me all about how I couldn’t talk to them coz when I do, I gotta hurt my girl. Does she thought of that when she drank with her oh so sweet and sting friends? Does she thought of what about me getting hurt seeing she is again doing what she did before.. Well, at least with her “guards held up high”. Can I just call that bullshit.

Yet all this time, she have been letting me feel that I’m too insensitive for doing the things I do. That I’m too careless for the things I say. I’m too this and that and it hurts her. Coz I am inconsistent and often times making her feel that I hate her. Ya, that’s how the relationship goes now.

Sometimes, it hurts. Oh, no. All the time.. All the fucking time it hurts me. And she doesn’t even know! She doesn’t know that she is doing exactly what she doesn’t want me doing. God, give me mercy for this constant pain.

All this I can’t tell her coz I don’t wanna do to her what she has been trying to do to me. I don’t want her ever to disregard the people she loved the most. I don’t want her to feel the pain of tryna please her coz I have sinned and hurt her. I don’t want her to suffer the anxious feeling of trying to keep up with the people around me that she hates coz it will hurt her. I don’t wanna hurt her and so I don’t do the things she “demands” me to do.

I love her. And though not reprimanded, I still not do the things I know not pleasing to he and throws her nothing but love and care and assurance that my affection only belongs to her. And I also wanna feel the same.

I want security from her. But I couldn’t have that coz I can never compete with the ones she loved.. May not say more than me but that’s what she shows.

I love her.. I love her so tenderly though it hurts.

TEXTER.

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 07:14:43 -0700

So, there’s this unknown texter that keeps on texting me. Not a day goes by without this number appearing on my phone and telling me stuffs about my girl and her ex. I would really not wanna believe everything this person says but, seems really consistent. All the while I thought I will soon gonna get used to it. Since my girl really does assure me that I am her only one and all those giddy stuffs. But it’s really hard. I am really jealous. I keep on thinking about stuffs, what my girl and her ex did before, did she also tell the things she’s saying to me now to her ex and all that I know that this is just my paranoia acting up. But I just can’t stop it.

Ang hirap na hindi magisip lalo kapag para kang nagmumukang walang alam sa kung ano talaga nangyayari. (Okay, nagshift ako to tagalog HAHAHAHA) hindi ko alam kung nakikita ko ba talaga the bigger picture or I am blinded by the love that I have for my girl to not see what really is she doing and all those stuffs. Nasasaktan ako to it’s full extent and definition. Masakit talaga na may ibang tao trying to tell me about this and that lalala about my girl. Iniisip ko palang yung mga sinasabi nung hinayupak na texter na yun, masakit na talaga e. Nakakabadtrip kasi di ko man alam kung totooo hindi, nagseseloos talaga ako.

I trust her.. I trust her with all my heart. But I just couldn’t face the thought of anybody else touching her, making her happy, holding her hand, annoying her.. I can’t. I get jealous a lot with her exes, randomly. Just thinking of what they did, even seeing old posts about them, old conversations. I can’t. I just can’t. It makes me freaking jealous. I love her. With everything that I am and what I had been since I’ve been with her. I love everything about her. Her laugh, her voice, her smell.. I love holding her hands and seeing her smiles. But I just couldn’t stop being mean and annoyed whenever I get jealous.. Whenever that unknown texter texts me, mygod. My head is pounding like hell.. Like I wanna delete all the memories I knew they had before me.

I love her.. I love her so much, too much. And I guess loving her too much just explains why I feel this way. Whether the texter’s telling the truth or not, it’s still hurts.. It hurts to get jealous. I am jealous.. Very jealous.

It will never gonna be alright. NEVER.

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 05:32:33 -0700

Once upon a time.. They lived happily ever after :)

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:10:23 -0800

Once upon a time.. They lived happily ever after :)